Well, That Hasn’t Happened in a While

As I sat at the kitchen table this morning, obsessively refreshing my phone for updates on the US presidential election, the last thing I wanted was to have an argument with Little Man about whether or not he was going to daycare today. Without too much of an issue, we managed to get dressed and leave the house in time to catch the bus from the station. We even got there with a few minutes to spare before departure time.

As is typical with LM, he went in through the front door by the driver, and I went through the middle door with Young Miss in the stroller. I proceeded to sit down in the stroller section while LM climbed to the back of the bus to sit in the very last row. He knelt on the seat, looking out the back window. This is pretty much how we always sit while on the bus: me in the middle, LM in the back. Today, however, that was unacceptable to the driver.

With only five other people on the bus, the driver came up to me and said (in Finnish) to have LM take his shoes off the seat. I looked, and half of one of Little Man’s boots was on the seat. I told him to put his feet down and he did. The driver then kept talking to me in Finnish, so I finally told him that I didn’t understand him. Immediately switching to very good English, he told me that it’s safer for LM to sit with me in case there’s a sudden stop. (I’m assuming I’m expected to catch him if this happens.) The driver clearly wanted LM to sit in the stroller section with me and Young Miss, but, having already judged his mood for the morning, I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

You want us to sit together? Fine, I’ll hold the baby and sit in the back row. (For the record, I’ve held both LM and Young Miss as babies on the bus and it’s never been an issue.) The driver told me that I’d have to move now as he was leaving, making it sound like it was my fault that he was going to be late. Trying to stay calm, I explained that I was moving, and continued to unhook the stroller fastenings keeping YM in place.

Finally ensconced in the back row, we were ready to go. Unfortunately, the driver wasn’t. Not satisfied with our chosen seats, he came all the back to where we were sitting and explained, mostly in Finnish, why we needed to move closer to the window. (There are five seats in the back row, four of which are behind other seats, with the middle facing the aisle. LM likes the middle seat, with nothing in front of him.) The driver pointed out that if there was a sudden stop, there would be nothing to stop LM from going flying. Fair enough. So let’s put him in a seat where he’ll get a concussion if that happens. (I was pretty irritated at this point, and felt like I was being badgered.)

We scooted over so LM was in the window seat and I was right next to him. The driver then seemed to notice that I was holding a baby. He opened his mouth and I was prepared to argue back this time (dude, just GO!!), but he rolled his eyes instead, as if giving up, and went back to his seat. Finally!

I have not been pestered on a bus this much the entire four years that we’ve lived in Finland. It took me right back to our first months here, when everything was new and scary, and all I needed was a little help and compassion. I don’t think this driver knew I was foreign when he started talking to me (quite apart from speaking Finnish, I see a lot of other people not sitting next to their young children on the bus, so it’s not a “foreign” thing), but it made me feel like the ignorant foreigner, and I haven’t felt that way in a very long time. Until you live as an expat, you never fully understand this feeling or comprehend just how far a little compassion and decency can go to making someone feel welcome.

As we sit on the brink of a new presidential term, I hope and pray that Americans will show that compassion and decency; to their neighbours, to their friends, to the people they don’t like very much, and to the foreigners, many of whom are being threatened with deportation and separation from their families. Compassion and decency matter. I hope our votes can prove it.